July 27, 2024

Homonym anyone?

As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by
her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode
off into the sunset."

She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have
problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground.
A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the
difference."



I saw a friend with something in his hand, and when I asked what
it was he said, "A book."

He then went on to tell me how great it was and how I would be
a better human for reading it. So I read it, and I must say,
he was on track because I found myself wanting to implement
some of my new-found knowledge. Unfortunately for my kids this
knowledge includes them going to summer school.

When I explained to my children the studies from this book that
clearly illustrates why certain people have more fulfilling
lives than others (nothing to do with economic class) they
got that deer in the headlights look. I don't know why, but
after the words 'summer school' their mouths dropped open and
drool began running down their chins.

My 13-year-old daughter was the first to recover. "Let me get
this straight: you read a book and now we have to go to summer
school?"

"Yes," I replied. "What's the use of reading if it doesn't
change you? Make you act differently...better?"

"That's not fair! How about some people shouldn't read? Or
better yet, read Salem's Lot and go out vampire hunting. But
leave the nonfiction to people who know how to use it. You're
gonna hurt yourself with it."

"Yeah, well, I know Licoln was wrong, the South had the right
to secceed but the North won the war anyway...Oh, and I also
know you're all going to summer school."


Sometimes you have a bad day. On those occasions I like to
give my kids fair warning that little to no discord is going to
be tolerated. A typical warning to them would be something
like: "I'm on the warpath today, so if you know what's good for
you you'll shut up."

Yesterday I was upstairs listening to my kids arguing in the
basement. My 8-year-old son said, "Watch it! I'm on the warpath
today."

My 13 year-old daughter quickly replied, "Yeah? Let's see what you got, Geronimo."