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May 14, 2024

Golf tally

A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apart-
ment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands,
looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"


"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man, answers. He stifles a sob, drops
the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?"

"I don't know. Five...maybe six ...put me down for a five."

My husband and I had been trying to have a third child for a
while. Unfortunately, the day I was to take a home pregnancy
test, he was called out of town on business. I had told our
young daughters about the test, and they were excited. We
decided if it was positive, we would buy a baby outfit to
surprise their father when he got home. The three of us stood
in the bathroom eagerly waiting for the telltale line to appear.

When it did not, my thoughtful seven-year-old gave me a hug.
"It's okay, Mom," she said. "The next time Daddy goes out of
town, you can try and get pregnant again."

One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where
he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-
worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had
just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and
needed to get out of the house for a while.

They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke,
I leaned over to John. "Don't look now," I whispered,
"but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he's got
a gun."

Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he
said, "kiss me on the mouth!"