April 20, 2024

Good news travels fast

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.

"It's the tax auditor in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live."

"He had to be told." said the second doctor.

"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"



Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Stan, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00."

"Great," says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Gonna be some drinkin!"

"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can handle myself pretty well. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."



"Nearly 1 million adults in the U.S. are in a same-sex marriage. That's compared to the nearly 40 million adults in a no-sex marriage." -Conan O'Brien



I had a pretty tough weekend. The boy came home an hour past his curfew prompting a big fight, my supposedly independent daughter asked me for money to make her car payment, and a long 'honey-do' list that I barely got started on put me in a pretty constant state of irritation. But what really started the weekend off badly was what happened when I was making love to my wife Friday night.

There we were, face to face, floating away on waves of passion. A passion created by the trust and security of marriage and shared parenthood. A relationship so old that I couldn't really remember what life had been like before her. Floating... Drifting... Feeling...

She smiled a truly content smile, sighed and opened her eyes.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" she screamed.

I popped up shouting, "What? What's wrong?!"

"Oh, sorry," she apologized. "I forgot it was you."