April 18, 2024

I can't lie under pressure

In Australia, the curbside garbage carts are called "wheelie bins."

A garbage collector is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his rubbish truck. He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out. In the spirit of kindness and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck, goes to the front door and knocks.

There's no answer.

Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again. Eventually, a Japanese man comes to the door.

"Harro!" says the Japanese man.

"G'day mate, where's ya' bin?" asks the collector.

"I bin on toilet," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.

Realizing the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again. "No mate, where's ya' dust bin?"

"I dust been to toilet, I toll you!" says the Japanese man, still perplexed.

"Listen," says the garbage collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean, where's ya' wheelie bin?'"

"OK, OK." replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"




"Everybody celebrates holidays differently. This year many people are traveling to theme parks. They're going to events like Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party and the Dr. Seuss-inspired Grinchmas Who-liday Spectacular. And of course, the most popular event - go play while mommy and daddy drink." -Jimmy Fallon



A pair of strip club patrons are ogling the strippers who are leaving the dressing room. "Do you see that redhead over there? I feel like sleeping with her again."

"Wow," said his buddy, "Do you mean to tell me you've been doing it with that great looking broad?"

"No, but I felt like it before, and I feel like it now."




"There's a new dating site aimed at matching up women who like to travel with men willing to pay for their trips. It's part of a new dating trend called prostitution." -Jimmy Fallon



"A new study came out that says drinking more beer could lower women's risk of a heart attack by 30 percent. The study was conducted by the Institute of Things to Tell That Hot Woman at a Party." -Conan O'Brien