September 18, 2023
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The wife and I were at our local Oktoberfest over the weekend and we were discussing the merits of alcohol. Actually, I was discussing the merits of alcohol, she was listening to a band called The Bratwurst Brothers (that's not a joke... you can look them up).
"Do you remember in the movie 'Fight Club' (which was based on a novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk) how the character Tyler Durden said soap is the yardstick of civilization?" I asked.
"I would disagree. I would say alcohol is the yardstick of civilization. Did you know that every ancient civilization discovered alcohol independently? The ancient Egyptians, the ancient Sumerians before them, the Greeks, the Chinese. When the Romans conquered Great Britain do you know what they found? Alcohol!"
"Nevermind civilization, we wouldn't even have cities without alcohol. The first concentrations of people always accumulated around waterways. And once you get enough people the water becomes polluted. What solution did those early communities come up with? Alcohol."
"So what?" the wife asked.
"So what?" I said raising my beer glass, "So let's drink!"
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"The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent. With the economy like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime." -Jimmy Kimmel
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks a little odd, so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What's up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.
Husband: Well, don't you remember? When we were leaving the hospital that night, you saw the baby had pooped his diaper. Then you said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here. So I went inside, got a clean one and left the messy one there.
"China reportedly scrubbed the images of Winnie the Pooh from social media over the weekend, after users compared the character to their president. Though it seems like it would just be easier to just get their president to put some pants on." -Seth Meyers
when you cry,
no one sees your tears.
when you are in pain,
no one sees your hurt.
when you are worried,
no one sees your stress.
when you are happy,
no one sees your smile.
But fart just ONE TIME!
"A new study found that people with a lot of phobias are more likely to have health problems. Or as those people put it, 'I was afraid of that.'" -Jimmy Fallon