March 27, 2023

Greetings Laff Lovers,

A couple years after we moved into the house I discovered that there are hardwood floors underneath the carpeting, so I got this idea to have all the carpeting torn up (it is at least 20 years old at this point) and the wood floors sanded and refinished. That way there would only be carpeting in the bedrooms. I even had a flooring company come out and price it. The job was going to cost around 5 or 6 thousand dollars. I didn't have the money at the time, but I had a goal and all I needed to do was save.

Well, I did save the money... but I am about to spend it on a shoulder surgery. So this weekend the wife and I spent a few hours moving furniture around and had a cleaning company come out and steam clean the carpets. Hopefully for the last time. This was our last opportunity to do it since I'm not going to be able to lift anything heavier than a beer bottle for the next four months. Lord knows how long it's going to take me to save that money again.

It really slows down the renovation projects when you have to save for them.

Email: joe@gopher-news.com

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"Police in South Carolina charged a substitute teacher last week for allegedly being drunk while in class. Students realized she was drunk after she kept referring to lunch period as 'Miller time.'" -Seth Meyers



A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows):

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.



"College students are out of town for spring break. This is the time of year students take a well-deserved break from partying and drinking at school to go party and drink on a beach." -Jimmy Kimmel



A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.

After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, "We need individuals who are totally responsible."

The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!"