March 16, 2023
Greetings Laff Lovers,
My wife has a 'wine day' planned this Saturday for herself, her mother and several of their friends at a wine bar about a mile and a half down the street from our house. And I know what that means. After they get a little toasty at the wine bar they are going to gravitate to the nearest location where they can get loud and obnoxious. Namely our house.
That means I'm going to have to stock up on cheese and crackers and olives and dip and cucumber slices and whatever other finger foods people usually eat with wine, because believe me, the last thing you want to face is a bunch of buzzed, hungry women with nothing to feed them.
It's either that or just go to a bar myself until 10 at night and let them destroy the house.
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"In the U.K., a group of scientists successfully taught bumblebees how to play soccer. And now, they're trying to get American bumblebees to watch it." -Conan O-Brien
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?"
The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."
"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?"
"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."
"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"
"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars."
"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"
"Well, this week... nothing!"
"A 100-year-old Dutch woman recently persuaded local police to arrest her to fulfill an item on her bucket list. Cool story for her, not so much for the victims of her double homicide." -Seth Meyers
My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called.
"What's all the commotion over there?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."