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January 25, 2023

Good morning crew,

We're getting our second significant snowfall of the winter today. They are predicting 4 inches and it's coming down pretty hard, but the temperature is hovering just above freezing, so who knows how long it is going to stick.

The real adventure is walking the wife's furry little mutt, Mini in this weather. The wife feels guilty about shaving her during the winter months, so Mini has a long, silky coat of hair that attracts snow like a magnet. Just while sniffing around the yard this morning her lower half was covered in so many 'snowballs' that it took five minutes of vigorous rubbing with a towel to dislodge and/or melt them all. Not that Mini minded the massage.

When I give her a proper walk this afternoon I'm sure she is going to turn into an abominable snowdog that will need a dip in a warm bath before she can be let loose in the house again.

Talk about a dog's life... I don't get a massage with a warm towel after every time I step outside. On the other hand I don't have to pee in the yard.

For me, peeing in the yard is a privilege.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gopher-news.com

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"I read about a man in Virginia who paid the DMV his $3,000 fine in pennies. It took the workers 12 hours to count them all. And that line still moved faster than the one you were in waiting in at the DMV." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is officially shutting down. Now, the circus won't officially close until May, so if you don't get a chance to see it, you had 150 years. No one feels bad for you." -Stephen Colbert

***

"There's a new app out there that describes itself as Tinder for adopting babies. So one day, siblings will be taunting each other with, 'Ha ha, mom right-swiped you. You shouldn't be here.'" -Conan O'Brien

***

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"