December 01, 2022

Greetings Laff Lovers,

So I have this Milwaukee circular saw that's been a piece of shit since I bought it. One hundred percent of the time it will not start when I depress the safety and pull the trigger. I sent it back to Milwaukee for repair a couple years ago and they returned it to me saying there was nothing wrong with it. I threw it on the shelf and occasionally try it before reaching for my old, beat up corded Skilsaw.

This past weekend was the last straw. I wasted 10 minutes trying to depress the safety "just right" in order to get this thing to go. Sometimes if I feather the safety in a certain way it will respond and go. Finally I said, "Fuck this thing," and took it to a repair center to have them send it in again.

I walk in to the repair center and give the guy the saw. A scruffy, unkempt, older guy with reading glasses down his nose asked, "What's the problem?"

"I have to feather the safety for 10 minutes before it'll go," I say. "This thing is more temperamental than my neighbor's wife's clitoris."

I was expecting a laugh, or a chuckle or even a grunt, but this guy just stared at me. So I stared back. Finally he picked up the tool and started writing it up.

Curious I asked him, "You don't like clitoris jokes?"

"Not particularly," He said with his head down as he wrote the order. "Plus, I live 4 doors down from you."

Repairingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gopher-news.com

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Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not is something the majority of men would rather not question. This is in case they discovered that she has been faking it all along, and that they are not, in fact, the stud they thought women go wild for. Rather, they are a pathetic creature with a problem, who needs to be patronized.

For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.

1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she's been looking at. If she says, "Dammit, I was reading that!" she was faking.

2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or sound like a familiar song, she can't be concentrating enough on the "job at hand," and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes the song playing on her iPod.

3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says, "Mmmmm, you were wonderful, baby," she is faking it. If she says, "Don't stop!" she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop!" hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the excitement. Remember these guidelines for future reference.