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August 05, 2022

Good morning crew,

The town next to mine is having their annual food fest this weekend. They have a pretty good selection of restaurants, so I'm expecting a decent spread. Of course they will have hot dogs, hamburgers and pizza, but I'm looking forward to a little slow smoked brisket from City BBQ, the grilled Polish sausage and fried pierogi from Tradycja, and the chicken shawarma from Pita Pita Mediterranean Restaurant.

That will all have to wait, though, because my taekwondo school will be there doing a demonstration and I volunteered to participate. I can't come staggering back from the food stands with a belly full of shawarma and beer and start doing flips and breaking boards. At least I can't without throwing up all over the place.

Fortunately the taste goes all afternoon and the demo ends at 3. So I should have plenty of time to take advantage of all the comestibles.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gopher-news.com

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"The USDA has issued a health alert over premade salads and wraps sold at Walgreens due to concerns they may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news." -Seth Meyers

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"Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over $1 trillion. Then Americans looked at their drawers filled with old iPods, and said, 'Yep. Seems about right.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Recently, couples in Montana competed in the first ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship. This is a competition where husbands carry their wives on their backs through an obstacle course. The obstacles included a mud pit, a median wall, and a dirt ramp, although most of the couples failed at the final challenge, which was agreeing on a place for dinner." -James Corden

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A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive.

No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that does all that.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."

"If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend.

"I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another 10 pounds first."