August 04, 2022
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I hobbled into the office all hunched over and in pain.
"What happened, TZ?" Marzee, the editor of our Daily Recipe list asked.
"I blew out my back."
"Oh, you poor dear!" she said empathetically while hurrying over to lend me a hand. "How?"
"Well, I was showing my wife how I wanted her to put her ankles when we make love, and kablooey, searing pain... You know, the first ankle went behind my head pretty easily. It was the second one that did me in."
"I know," she said, nodding her head understandingly.
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"A new porn site is donating a penny to charity each time someone watches one of their porn videos. So finally, a reason to watch porn." -Conan O'Brien
My wife informed me she had my funeral all planned out. She has picked out a deep mahogany casket. She will have me buried in a black suit with light blue shirt and my power red tie. A red scarf folded neatly into the breast pocket. I will have flowers in all the colors surrounding the casket. All my favorite songs will be sung by the church choir.
She asked me if I had planned her funeral.
I told her I was going to cremate her and toss her ashes into the warm Caribbean waters from the back of a singles cruise.
"An Oklahoma woman was arrested for attempting to have her kids blow into her car's breathalyzer so that she could drive drunk. Even worse, her kids failed." -Seth Meyers
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's Ass shows"
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's Ass out in Front" The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass". This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.
The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, "Nun has the Best Ass in Town"
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.
The paper states, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks"
They buried the Bishop the next day.