Subscribe to LAFF A DAY
 
Subscribe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


June 23, 2022

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have been reading a lot about this gun control debate, and as a long time gun owner I am going to go out on a limb and say that I would support gun control, but if and only if it were a 100 percent ban on any and all firearms with extremely limited exception. Call it a 99 percent ban.

The exceptions, in my mind, would be the Coast Guard, maybe the Port Authority, Customs and Border Protection, air ports... basically wherever the border needs to be protected. Other than that NO ONE would be allowed to possess weapons of any kind.

People would be a hundred times safer, sure, but think about how much money the United States would save? The United States spends more on national defense than China, India, Russia, United Kingdom, Saudi Arabia, Germany, France, Japan, and South Korea combined. That amounts to 3-and-a-half percent of the entire U.S. gross domestic product.

Think about everything else that could be funded without that gargantuan expense? You want to provide free college education? Done. Take care of the enormous mental health crisis in the U.S.? Ok. Combat homelessness on a national level? Can do. The ridiculous national deficit? It would start coming down within a couple years. All it takes is eliminating any and all weapons.

And I already know what you're thinking. How will the United States protect itself without any weapons? You might be surprised to know that a number of countries exist very successfully and happily this way, like Monaco, Grenada, Liechtenstein and a number of others.

And even if we couldn't rely exclusively on international good will there is always Canada and Mexico to help keep us safe.

It's something to think about. Do we want to be a bankrupt nation of murders, or do we want to follow the shining example of Liechtenstein?

Prohibitionally,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gopher-news.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


The Best Vacuum Attachment Ever! See How The Dust Daddy Works Here.


"A new study came out that found the more porn a man watches, the less motivation he has. I was going to read more about the study, but for some reason I just completely lost interest." -Conan O'Brien



A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this; when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better--your ear or your finger?"



"Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover." -Jimmy Kimmel



I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this drunk fat girl came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches.