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June 22, 2022

Good morning crew,

We've really been baking here in the Chicago area and greater midwest. The last couple of days it has topped out at 100 F. I'm glad I mowed my lawn last week when it was a balmy 90. But the heat has started to break and we're back down into the 80s.

And it's a good thing too. This coming weekend is the last weekend before the big July Fourth weekend and I have a lot of maintenance and repair projects on my list that need to get done if I'm going to have people over to the house for a cookout.

The last thing I want to do is wait until the last minute!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gopher-news.com

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Our Clearance Items Are Awesome!


"A baby who was born in Paris on a public train today received free rides from the transportation company until his 25th birthday. While a baby born on the New York City subway received hepatitis." -Seth Meyers

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"Banks are starting to offer services through virtual assistants like Amazon Echo, which backfires when you ask Alexa for your account balance and she just starts laughing." -Jimmy Fallon

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If adulthood has taught me anything, it's that you really don't need fun to have alcohol.

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The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

The company my brother worked for had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number."

The caller would often reply with something like, "But I didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)