January 20, 2022

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It looks like the Wild West is back. Yee haw! Not only is the murder rate the highest it's been in 30 years with gun fights occurring right in the streets, but train robberies are back.

The locals in and around Los Angeles have been looting cargo trains when they stop on the tracks before getting worked into the Union Pacific Intermodal facility near Downtown LA. Thousands upon thousands of packages for Amazon, UPS, FedEx and more have been stolen.

It's not exactly Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid but it's still a train robbery.

What's next? Cattle rustling?

So we have all the crime and violence... what we're missing are the cool parts about the old west; the saloons with swinging doors, chaps, cowboy hats and whore houses. Definitely whore houses.

Maybe this weekend I'll go out and buy myself a six-shooter. Then I'll need a good nickname. I'm thinking Kid Constipation.

Nostalgically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Somebody actually did a study that found that because of his hard-drinking lifestyle, the character James Bond would live to be only 56 years old. When men heard that they were like, 'Yeah, I'd take that deal.'" -Jimmy Fallon



The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti homini" - Blessed be mankind.

A women's rights group approached the pope the next day. They noticed that the pope had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the pope concluded by saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the pope. They said that they noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind, and asked if he could also bless those who are gay.

The pope said, "Sure."

The next day, the pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti homeni, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti."



A German man walks up to the immigration desk at Warsaw airport. The immigration officer asks: "Occupation?"

The German replies: "No, just a holiday."



Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate.

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for me; Sorry, but you're not really my type; Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn't-- no one wants to hear me sing!