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January 14, 2022

Good morning crew,

Since the wife and I were isolating with the Covid on New Year's Eve we decided that we would get in a little belated celebrating this weekend. Dinner, drinks, there may even be a little gambling and fighting. And who knows what might happen if we actually leave the house!

The real challenge will be staying up until midnight. I don't think either with wife or I have stayed up partying that late since... since... well, I can't remember the last time the wife and I have stayed up partying that late. But we're going to give it a good go.

I'll let you know if anybody gets arrested next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets." -Conan O'Brien

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"An Arizona bank robber was recently arrested after he applied for a job with his local police department. They busted him after they asked, 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' and he said, 'In jail for robbing a bank.'" -Seth Meyers

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"There are a lot of things to dislike about L.A.: traffic, pollution, people. But it's important sometimes to stop and appreciate the fact that, A) We don't have to scrape ice off our windshield every morning, and B) I can wear the same pair of teal-colored dolphin shorts to work every day since 1985." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over.

All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under "Previous Employment", she had listed "Baby-sitting".

But then she read, under "Reason for Leaving" her daughter had answered, "Parents came home."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O'Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or "chit." That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier.

"Is this chit worth $10?" I asked.

Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, "I'm sorry, sir. Was the meal that bad?"