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October 14, 2021

Greetings Laff Lovers,

We had some VIPs come to the office earlier this week and one of them was an attractive, middle-aged woman with a mature, Bettie Page kind of hourglass figure stuffed into a smart-looking silk blouse and a relatively modest just-above-the-knee length skirt.

When I was introduced to her I said, "Hi. I'm TZ, the Operations Officer."

But in my mind I said, "Hi. I'm TZ. I'd like to smell your ass."

Then all of a sudden the smile seemed to freeze on her face. Time stood still in that weird, preternatural sort of way like when you do something really, really stupid and each second seems to stretch out forever. And I thought to myself, 'Oh, shit. I just said that second part out loud.'

But then the moment passed and the woman said, "Hi, nice to meet you." And everything went on like normal. But as God as my witness I couldn't tell whether or not I had just irredeemably embarrassed myself, and she was just being extraordinarily polite in ignoring my monumental gaffe.

A couple minutes later, when the conversation turned away from me, I leaned over to Lewis who was also in the meeting and whispered, "Did anything unusual just happen?"

"What do you mean?" he whispered back.

"Did I just say something really stupid? I mean, more stupid than usual?"

He shook his head, "No."

"Thank God," I said.

But the incident was a wake up call for me. I have been an inveterate, unrepentant pervert for so long, I can't tell when I'm crossing the line anymore. And I'm pretty sure it's just going to get worse the older I get.

I really have to reevaluate my life. Is this the man I want to spend the rest of my life as? A deviant with a single-minded obsession with tits and ass and the sense of humor of a 15-year-old? Or can I finally accept the maturity of my years and find fulfillment in loftier pursuits?

On the other hand, I would have given my left pinkie finger to wear that woman's ass as a hat for five mintues.



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If you wife or girlfriend ever asks, 'If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?'

Never give two names.

In the bar the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bathtub. The answer, of course, being...throw in your wash.

We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits."

I said, "I Sorry, buddy. Did he drown?"

"No," he replied, "He choked on a sock."

I went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

Jack goes to his friend Joe and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"

Joe doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.

After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Joe what he's really up to.

Joe, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Joe's shoulder and says, "If I were you I'd hurry home right now. Because my wife died a year ago."