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October 13, 2021

Good morning crew,

The wife and I got our graveyard up on the front lawn last weekend. It's not illuminated yet, but the big pieces are up. I'm a little disappointed because while I have added a few new elements, it looks basically the same as last year... and the year before that.

I think what I need, in addition to a mausoleum which I am determined to build next summer, are some more permanent-looking pieces. I'm thinking a couple of 6-foot tall stone columns with gothic capitals to support a wrought iron fence.

The columns I can make out of polystyrene, or I've seen them for sale pre-made, and I know I can buy plastic fencing that looks like wrought iron.

At that point I'll have to expand the graveyard, of course, to cover both sides of the lawn. Come to think of it I'll probably need 4 stone columns.

Including a couple extra skeletons and some mood lighting, I think I can get away with spending no more than a thousand bucks. A small price to pay for the scariest looking house in the neighborhood.

Laugh it up,


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Can You Guess What The MUST-HAVE Item In Your Home Of 2021 IS?

"Germany has just rolled out a new law banning hate speech. The law is tricky to implement because everything sounds like hate speech when it's spoken in German." -Conan O'Brien


"Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it's great for people who like watching sports completely still. 'Wow! What a catch - nobody move! Oh, now we're watching Lifetime.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"A new study has determined that people in relationships can detect infidelity in their partner's voice. Especially when their voice says, 'You're home early!'" -Seth Meyers


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last week we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'That's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggel Handel".

Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?"