June 11, 2021
Good morning crew,
My old high school buddy Mason asked me to go golfing with him this afternoon because every now and then he likes to feel better about himself by humiliating me.
While my golf skills rival that of a mildly epileptic chimpanzee, I do enjoy getting out on the course and whacking the ball around a bit. If I get a really good swing under me I've been known to send a divot 20 yards.
But to me the real challenge of golf is in solving the engineering problems involved with hiding a 6-pack of beer in my golf bag. Most golf clubs take a dim view of bringing alcohol onto the course - not because they want sober golfers - but because they want you to buy beer for $8 a can from their beer cart. And my parsimony will not allow me to do that.
Really, the one hurdle is getting past the starter; the guy who stands on the first tee and tells golfers when they can start. While his job is not specifically to look for alcoholic contraband, if he does see a cooler on your golf cart he will tell you to take it back to your car. So if you can make it to the second tee you can break out the beverages with impunity.
Now, it is usually taken as given that golfers will sneak a cold beer or two onto the course in their bags, but I can drink a lot more than 2 beers over 9 holes. So I need to find room for at least 6... plus a couple pounds of ice to keep them cold.
I have a soft, collapsible cooler I can stuff into the club compartment of my bag. And with a little gerrymandering I bet I can fit 6 cans into the pockets reserved for balls, tees, shoes, towels, range finders and all of the other paraphernalia golfers like to carry around with them.
The big challenge will be the ice. Where can I secret 2 or 3 pounds of ice? Down my pants? No, that would be impractical. Down Mason's pants? I wonder if it would be suspicious if I walked onto the course carrying a backpack leaking ice water?
Well, I have 4 hours to figure it out.
Laugh it up,
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