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June 10, 2021

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I love the spring when it finally starts to warm up, like it has this week. The bird's song is a bit sweeter, the smell of green fills the air, and women walk around half naked. OK, you can keep the birds and the smell, but I really do like the half naked women.

I got home a little early yesterday and I was greeted by an amazing sight. I was once told by a neighbor that our block was home to some sixteen or so school-aged children. Well, they were all out walking with their 30 and 40-something half-naked mommies, who have apparently been waiting for some warm weather so they could shed most of their clothing.

So I sat on the porch, waving to some, speaking to others, but always wondering, 'What are these half naked women thinking about as we talk?' I mean, if it was me, I'd be thinking, 'Damn, I'm half naked' and either I'd be glad or self-conscience, and you would know which. But I'm pretty sure these women know EXACTLY what they're doing.

You know, maybe I'll ask my neighbor Chuck's wife Jenny what she's thinking one of these days, when she comes over to say 'Hi' as she takes a break from mowing the lawn in cut-off shorts and a bikini top.

I don't know. Maybe that ain't such a good idea.



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"New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. 'Well, well, well, look who we have here!'" -Jimmy Fallon

A Guy walks up to an attractive, young woman in a bar and says, "You remind me of my little toe."

She replies, "What's that supposed to mean? Like I'm small and cute or something?"

He says, "No. It means I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? Death. What's that...a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

(1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling better every day.

(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

(3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf, you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for High School.

(4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become a baby;

(5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, then you finish off as an orgasm!