May 14, 2021

Good morning crew,

It's payday today and it's high time for me to invest in a few pepper and tomato plants. I've got my stinky soil, now all I need it something to go in it. Maybe I'll get creative and try some radishes or cucumbers this year too.

It's already a little late for vegetable planting - but we were getting frosts here in the Chicagoland area all the way up until last week!

And if my wife has anything to say about it we'll probably be getting a hundred dollars or so worth of flowers too. I admit, the yard does look cheery and inviting with planters overflowing with begonias and geraniums all over the place, but they aren't nearly as fun to eat.

Well, I guess it's better the money goes toward flowers than into a slot machine at the local bar.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"As part of a limited campaign, McDonald's is offering forks made from French fries. Not to be outdone, Long John Silver's began offering seafood made from fish." -Conan O'Brien

***
"American Airlines recently announced that they plan on cutting leg room in economy class, while United Airlines announced they'll be cutting legs. 'We are coming down with the beverage cart! Get your legs out of the aisle!'" -Seth Meyers

***
"Apple has announced that it'll be removing the handgun emoji from its smartphones and replacing it with an emoji of a squirt gun. In case you weren't paying attention, there are now more restrictions on gun emojis in the United States than on actual guns." -James Corden

***
Little Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for his birthday. "A baby brother," he said. Later that year, his mother came home from the hospital with a baby boy.

Little Johnny was delighted. "And what would you like this year for your birthday?" his father asked.

He said, "If it isn't too uncomfortable for mommy, I'd like a pony."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

[Here is a classic that I haven't heard in a month of Sundays (as the saying goes). But the great thing about old jokes is that eventually they become new all over again.]

Two grave diggers are working in a cemetery in Vienna one night, when they hear scuffling coming from one of the graves. At first they are terrified, but morbid curiosity gets the better of them and they unearth the grave. They hear some hushed rubbing and scraping sounds coming from inside the coffin. Hands shaking, they pull off the lid. Inside; they find Beethoven's skeleton, furiously erasing notes off of old scores.

"Wha-," one of the grave diggers is petrified, "What are you doing, Herr Beethoven?"

The ghoulish composer looks up with empty eyes sockets, and says, "What does it look like? I'm decomposing!"