February 22, 2021
Good morning crew,
The wife and I finally got our taxes done this weekend. We're getting back about what we got last year. That is to say, not a lot. But still, getting a few hundred back is better than having to write a check.
With any luck we'll be getting the refund just as the weather starts warming up a bit. Both the wife and I have been going a little stir crazy with this crazy winter and we've been talking about taking a weekender somewhere. It'll have to be somewhere cheap, but anywhere more exotic than our basement will be a welcome change of pace.
I've been thinking about heading down to southern Illinois to visit my alma mater. It's been 20 years since I've kicked around that old town and I'd like to refresh my memories. Plus, the wife never went away to school and she's expressed curiosity about what university life is like.
But with the advantage of 25 years of hindsight, not to mention gainful employment, I think we'll be able to do better than drinking 25 cent drafts of domestic beer until we feel sick and eating ramen noodles.
Laugh it up,
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"Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Which means in 24 hours, guys all across the country will be telling their loved ones, 'I thought you said we weren't doing gifts this year.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"The funniest place to be on Valentine's Day is the drugstore checkout line at around 7 p.m. The only place you'll see desperation like that is at a casino in Vegas, standing in line for the ATM." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Facebook has just added a new tool for finding help during disasters. Unfortunately, then Facebook shows you photos of your friends having a much better time during their disasters." -Conan O'Brien
Why the Military can't communicate with each other...
If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door.
If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass.
If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.
If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes. Being only a couple tables away from her, I felt a stinging pain in my hand where I was cut from the shattered debris. I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor.
"What happened?" he asked.
I said, "Attacked by a flying saucer."