January 21, 2021

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I wasted a few minutes on the inauguration yesterday, and as I watched creepy Uncle Joe become the 46th president of the United States I found myself getting pissed off at the stupid grin he was wearing.

And it's not just Joe Biden, I couldn't stand looking at Donald Trump's grinning face either. I always think to myself, 'What have you got to grin about?'

The national debt stands at $27 trillion, the economy is on the brink of a depression, riots and looting are commonplace, people are more divided now than they have been for 160 years, the U.S. is embroiled in 3 - or is it 4 - illegal military actions around the globe, education is in shambles, unemployment is rampant, corruption is endemic, the nation is paralyzed with fear over the pandemic, and there is absolutely no plan to address any of it.

And there stand all of these facile politicians, grinning like they just won first place in a pie-eating contest at the county fair. If any one of them, from the junior most representative to the Commander-in-Chief, gave the tiniest little shit about the grave and terrible plight that is facing the country, they would be terrified by their awesome responsibility.

But just look at them, grinning away like a clowder of drunk Cheshire cats, because they know that now that they're in office they have a license to steal, and every last mother's son of them is looking out for one person and one person only. And it ain't you.

Gleefully,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A drunk man is being arrested by an attractive, young female police officer who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The man replies, "Tits!"



For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two laws. They legalised gay marriage and legalised marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalised on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

Apparently it hadn't been interpreted correctly before!



Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided its self on the amount of SHIT it gives our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressional Representative, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)