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November 20, 2020

Good morning crew,

I have to admit I'm looking forward to testing my skill at making a turkey again. The last time I tried it I made a number of mistakes. You wouldn't think it's that hard. Basically a turkey is just a giant chicken. But there are a lot of details that can be overlooked.

Last year the bird I made was edible - if just the tiniest little bit undercooked. Fortunately nobody got sick. But this year I think I have it all figured out. Half of the work is in the preparation, and the other half is in temperature control.

A good 12-14 hour brine, and then a subdermal massage with butter and olive oil will have the bird in perfect shape for the oven, the tricky part is getting the atmosphere in the oven just right. I'm thinking a shallow bath of chicken stock, water and dry sherry will provide just enough moisture to keep the bird from drying out. Then tenting it in foil for the first 2 hours will make sure the internal temperature gets up to where it needs to be. The denouement will be uncovering it and cranking up the temperature for the last hour to give the skin that beautiful golden brown color. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

I am anticipating a feast of particular magnificence.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz

***

My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, "Don't shoot!"

The hunter responded, "Don't quack."

***

I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. "This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure," the anesthesiologist reassured me. I started to feel better until he continued, "Heck, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery."

***

Honest Brand Slogans

Hallmark: "When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation."

Ritz crackers: "Tiny, edible plates."

CliffsNotes: "They're still going to know you didn't read the book."

Gillette: "We're just going to keep adding blades."

ChapStick: "You'll misplace it before the tube's empty."

Hot Pockets: "Every bite is a different temperature."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bathroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'

And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 'No, I'm a little busy right now!'

Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps talking to me.'