October 19, 2020

Good morning crew,

I set out to do absolutely nothing this weekend and I succeeded brilliantly. Really, it's the only thing I'm really good at. Ask my wife.

Well, I didn't do 'absolutely' nothing. I did make it to the hardware store where I bought some stainless steel dowels which I plan to use to plant my polystyrene tombstones in the front lawn. Unfortunately it was cold, rainy and windy all weekend, so I never got around to trying out my plan, but I still have 12 days to make it work.

Think of everything I couldn't do in 12 whole days.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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Move 2600 Pounds With This EASY-TO-USE Device! Yes YOU Can Move Anything YOURSELF.

"Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma." -Conan O'Brien

***
"A new study found that dogs can actually feel genuine love for their owners. While cats just keep a journal of all the things they hate about you." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"China has overtaken the United States as the world's biggest food and grocery market. That means they buy and consume more food than we do. Which when you think about it of course they do. A half hour after they eat, they're hungry again. It's Chinese food." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked, "Did it help?"

Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people."

"Then what does it do?"

"Why would it need to do anything else?"

--Dogbert, Dilbert