October 16, 2020

Good morning crew,

It looks like a cold, cloudy, windy, rainy weekend coming up. That sounds like the perfect opportunity not to do any outdoor chores to me. There are still plenty of indoor chores that need doing, but I feel if I distract myself with a case of beer I'll be able to manage to forget about those too.

Hey, what's more important in life? Re-caulking the shower stall or ordering a pizza, drinking 10 beers and watching 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' for the fifth time this month on cable?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that would return itself to the store after you're done using it. Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-aware, it's going to drive itself to Target and never look back." -Jimmy Fallon

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"In France, a shipment that was supposed to contain orange juice was discovered to actually contain a massive shipment of cocaine. Either way, a great way to start your morning." -Conan O'Brien

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"IHOP is now making their own beer. It's perfect for people who think Waffle House beer is just a little too trashy." -Jimmy Fallon

***
A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front door there was a scale.

"Look, a scale," the man said to his friend. "Let's see how my new diet is working out."

He stepped on the scale.

"I can't believe it!" he said as he read the result. "I've been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I'm heaver than I was before! How can that be?"

He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend. "Here, hold my jacket," he said.

The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale.

Not much change.

"Here," he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies too."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation.

After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you; I'm a psychologist."

"A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?"

"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"