September 18, 2020

Good morning crew,

It feels like summer has already given up around here. It's barely 60 degrees F today and it doesn't look like tomorrow is going to be much warmer. But it is going to be bright and sunny, and I'm not about to say goodbye to summer without one more cookout. Even if I have grill while wearing a stocking cap and mittens.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A 94-year-old man from Indiana just became the oldest person to get a six degree black belt in taekwondo. While nobody has the heart to tell him the wooden board he chopped through was just a graham cracker." -Jimmy Fallon

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"It was reported this week that scientists from the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence or SETI have detected a signal from a distant star, and they think it could be proof of alien life. Scientists say this could be the sign of a highly advanced alien civilization. While the aliens say, 'We attack at dawn.'" -James Corden

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"A man in New York yesterday bought a $10 million winning lottery ticket while at a convenience store to buy treats for his dog. Which came as a major disappointment to his dog. 'You didn't get the treats?'" -Seth Meyers

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You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

"This is my mother."