August 01, 2020
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Sometimes you have an itch you just have to scratch. And that is not always a euphemism. Unfortunately for this man, the itch he had was on his testicles. It was unfortunate not just because it is never good to have itchy testicles, but because when you are in your car and trying to scratch them it looks a lot like you are masturbating.
That is what prompted a woman in the same parking lot with this man to call the police.
The woman told Port St. Lucie, Florida police she saw a man in his vehicle "making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch."
The woman didn't see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating.
Now here is where things get bizarre. When police spoke to the man, he explained that he got the urge to scratch his testicles because he has a rash there. When they were disinclined to believe him he pulled up his shorts and popped the boys out, showing the officers the, uhh, affected area.
Police determined the man, who has no criminal history, did not expose himself and found no proof that he was performing lewd acts in public.
Considering that it is almost never a good idea to show the police your genitals, that must have been one blistered bat-wing.
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Mickey Mouse signs tax refund checks
Rhode Island state officials said a technical glitch was to blame for 176 tax refund checks being mailed out bearing the signatures of Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney. Jade Borgeson, chief of staff for the Rhode Island Department of Revenue, confirmed the checks were mailed out this week with the signatures of Walt Disney and his most famous cartoon creation instead of Rhode Island General Treasurer Seth Magaziner and State Controller Peter Keenan. "As a result of a technical error in the Division of Taxation's automated refund check printing system, approximately 176 checks with invalid signature lines were printed and mailed to taxpayers on Monday," Borgeson said in a statement. "The invalid signature lines were incorrectly sourced from the Division's test print files," she said.
99-year-old woman becomes world's oldest pilot
A 99-year-old California woman broke two Guinness World Records when she piloted a plane and gave a flight lesson in the air. Robina Asti, 99, was named the world's oldest flight instructor and active pilot after she gave her final flight lesson Sunday at NextGen Flight Academy at Riverside Municipal Airport. "I love getting people to experience what it's like to lift off this Earth," Asti told local news. "It is so good." Asti said she wanted to show that senior citizens are still capable of making valuable contributions. The flight instructor took the world's oldest pilot record from an Iowa man who flew a plane at the age of 98.
Chopping watermelons on someone's head with a machete is one thing. It's insane, but I can imagine it. But how do you chop through a watermelon on your own stomach? I just can't figure the mechanics of it? I may have to try it just to see if it would work.
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