July 31, 2020
Good morning crew,
Ol' Mason talked me into golfing this afternoon. I haven't golfed in 10 years. It'll be hard getting my swing back. It'll be hard not embarrassing myself. Even harder will be finding all of my golf clubs. I know I have several holding up tomato plants in my garden. I'm not 100 percent sure about the rest.
Laugh it up,
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"Alex Trebek is hinting that he might retire from 'Jeopardy!'. When asked what he'll do in retirement, Trebek said, 'What is start drinking at noon?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A Massachusetts man was arrested this weekend for stripping naked and doing yoga poses in a Planet Fitness gym. That story again, a man in Massachusetts has become the first person ever to successfully cancel his gym membership." -Seth Meyers
"Some big news here in California: The state's Supreme Court just blocked an initiative asking people to vote on whether California should be split into three separate states. Had it split, the three different states would have been known as Northern California, Southern California, and More Racist Arizona." -James Corden
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"
"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."
"Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of the questions was; "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?"
"I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."