July 01, 2020

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

What do you do when you REALLY need to get to the bar, but it's 15 miles away and you don't have any transportation. Well, if you're this innovator you don't hitchhike, or call an UBER, or even steal a car. No, if you're going to make it to the bar you're going to make a statement while doing it in a stolen fire truck.

An Alaska man stole a fire truck from the King Salmon Fire Station and drove 15 miles with lights flashing to a bar where he was arrested, police said.

Dawson Cody Porter, 22, used a piece of lumber to break a window of the fire station and made his way inside the building around 9 p.m., the Bristol Bay Borough Police Department said in an online statement. Once inside, Porter started a fire truck and drove it THROUGH the station's closed bay doors. Police Chief John Rhyshek said no one was in the building when Porter broke in.

Porter switched on the fire truck's emergency overhead lights and headed west toward Naknek, 15 miles down the Alaska Peninsula Highway. Rhyshek estimates that Porter was driving the fire truck for less than a half hour before he parked in front of the Fisherman's Bar.

Unfortunately, the hero never made it inside. Two Bristol Bay officers made contact with Porter before he got out of the fire truck and he was arrested outside the bar, Rhyshek said.

It's unclear why Porter stole the firetruck and headed to the Naknek bar, but Rhyshek said the investigation is ongoing. In total, Porter caused roughly $10,000 worth of damage and made it so the firetruck, which is valued at about $100,000, was out of service temporarily as it awaited necessary repairs.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com

Grandma got gored by a bison

A 72-year-old California woman trying to take photos of a bison was gored by the animal at Yellowstone National Park, park officials said. The woman, who was not identified, "sustained multiple goring wounds" and was flown to an Idaho hospital. She "approached within 10 feet of a bison multiple times to take its photo," the park service said in a statement. The bison most likely felt threatened after being repeatedly approached, Yellowstone Senior Bison Biologist Chris Geremia said in the statement. The park urges people to stay away from wildlife and to keep at a minimum of 25 yards away from animals like bison and elk. "Bison are wild animals that respond to threats by displaying aggressive behaviors," Geremia said in the statement. "If that doesn't make the threat (in this instance it was a person) move away, a threatened bison may charge." Bison attacks on humans have occurred in Yellowstone before, including just last month. They are massive animals, and bull bisons can weigh up to 2,000 pounds. A bison can run at speeds up to 35 mph, the park says.

'Merman Mike' recovers $17,000 ring from bottom of river

A California diver known as "Merman Mike" plunged into the Sacramento River and was able to recover a lost ring worth $17,000. Mike Pelley, who uses the alias "Merman Mike" said he was approached by a man named Bill Fitty who heard about his underwater exploits and needed help finding a lost item. Fitty said that he had dropped a ring into the Sacramento River that was worth about $17,000. Pelley said his first dive came up empty, so he dropped a brick into the water in the same spot where Fitty lost the ring, so he would have a better idea of where to look. Pelley surfaced from his second dive with the ring in his hand. Fitty said he wanted to reward Pelley with $1,500 to buy an underwater metal detector for future dives. Pelley said the metal detector will help him on the search for two wedding rings he has been trying to find for their owners.

READER COMMENTS

Hi Lewis, Why do I get this feeling you are taking your next overseas vacation in Cornwall, and are going to wait until the hottest local ladies are around to rescue you before you venture out to sea? Just don't tell TZ of Laff A Day about this. -Lynda-Marie


Lewis, most of your stories elicit a laugh or an 'ewww', but that spider story will haunt my dreams.

END OF READER COMMENTS