May 25, 2020
Good morning crew,
Memorial Day! A time to remember. A time to be grateful to those who gave their lives to the service. Also a time for a three-day-weekend and a cookout!
Even though the Solstice is next month everybody pretty much considers this the unofficial beginning of summer. Unfortunately, this summer's calendar of street fests, concerts, pig roasts and beer tastings might be a little thin. A lot of events have already been cancelled due to the Corona.
But, there are always options available to a man armed with a brand new gas grill and a determination to party. Sometimes, if you want a beer fest, you have to do it yourself.
We only have 119 days until next fall. Let's get started!
Laugh it up,
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Kill The Coronavirus And More With PURIFIZE! NOW IN STOCK!
"Most Americans said they still like Facebook, but they don't trust it. So basically, people feel the same way about Facebook as they do about the McRib." -Jimmy Fallon
"A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat." -Conan O'Brien
"Hasbro has filed to trademark the scent of Play-Doh. Hasbro describes the scent as a 'sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry, combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough.' While kids are describing it as 'delicious.'" -Seth Meyers
A man was trying to pull out of a parking place, and bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.
The note read:
"Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name and phone number. You should be so lucky!"
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo.
The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high.
Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo replied, "Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night."