March 30, 2020
Good Morning Groanies,
Like most people, I've been under self-quarantine for two weeks (I'm not sick, but I'm high risk). Now, as the third week begins, I think I'm losing it a bit.
Being cooped up in the house may finally be getting to me. Here's the evidence...
I've been restless, irritable, hungry, thirsty, nervous, hyper, fidgety, started scream obscenities, crying at the drop of a hat, laughing hysterically for no apparent reason, barking like a dog at delivery people, shaving my head, filling my bathtub up with peeled bananas and skim milk, engaging in a staring contest with a random squirrel, watching a silent movie with the television muted, building a replica of the Washington Monument out of burnt toast, hiding pudding in my medicine cabinet, cleaning my gutters while naked, playing air guitar in Stacy's wedding dress...
Who knows? Maybe I'm doing fine. Maybe I'm just doing stuff that I've been putting off for too long. Glass half full gang!
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Jokes? Questions? Comments?
Email Steve
Sold Out Everywhere? We HAVE HAND SANITIZER - Stay Safe!
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*-- How Many Chickens? --*
There were two rednecks walking toward each other down the street. One of them was carrying a sack. When they met up, the other redneck asked, "Whatcha got in that there sack?"
The redneck with the sack replied, "Just some chickens." The other redneck said, "If I guess how many chickens are in that there sack, can I have one?"
The redneck with he sack answered, "I'll give ya both of them if you get it right."
So, the other redneck thought and thought, and he finally said, "Five?"
*-- Doc, What's Wrong With Me? --*
A naked man comes running into the doctor's office with nothing but a strip of saran wrap around his waist, and says "Doctor, doctor, what's wrong with me?"
The doctor answers, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Where do you go to replace a missing chess piece?
A: The Pawn Shop.
Q: What did the big watch hand say to the small hand?
A: Got a minute?
Q: What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A: A power failure.
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