March 26, 2020
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Is it just me or is the woman who is the first person to receive the experimental COVID-19 vaccine totally hot? I mean the picture of her sitting in a tank top with her bra strap showing while being poked with an experimental drug that she is testing so we can all benefit, well, it kinda gives me a boner.
Hurray for Jennifer Haller from Seattle! Thanks for your bravery. As Compensation I'd like to offer you a hot date night... once you're proven not to be contagious, of course.
Even then, if we are going to become intimate, I may institute as much social distancing as possible while making love to you by flipping you onto your knees and doing it doggie style - just in case you cough.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: email@example.com
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Trouble Finding Hand Sanitizer? No Worries WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
After a few minutes the bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. "Looking for a man with three qualifications: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed." Two days later her doorbell rings.
"Hi, I'm Tim. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no legs so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you are great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Tim replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got off the main highway. As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly - it looked like a pig with a wooden leg!
He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the farmyard, where he was met by the farmer. "Excuse me," the traveler said. "I was just driving by and looking at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had to stop and ask about. Tell me, did I see right? Is there really a pig out there with a wooden leg?"
The farmer smiled. "Oh, that would be old Caesar. He's the finest pig a man could ever hope to have - and smart! Well, let me tell you a little about that pig. You see that barge down there on the river? That's a mining dredge, taking out platinum ore. Old Caesar sniffed out the vein and showed us how to set it up. Now that dredge brings me in about $120,000 every year.
"There's another thing, too, a little more personal. One night a couple of years ago I got to drinking and I guess I had more than I should have. I passed out drunk, fell down and knocked over a lamp. That started a fire in the house and old Caesar smelled the smoke. He came in the back door, got the wife and kid out, roused me up and got me out.
"There is no question about it - that night old Caesar saved all our lives and you know that is not the sort of thing a man is going to forget too easily."
"Why," the traveler said, "this is all amazing! I have never heard of a pig like this before! This is fantastic! But tell me, how did he get that wooden leg? Was he in a wreck or something?"
The farmer laughed and said, "Well, naturally, when you have a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at once!"