February 12, 2020

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Have you ever heard someone described as having a pole up their ass? Usually it means uptight, stuck-up or snobbish, but in the case of this story it means the woman was a bad driver, because she ended up with a pole stuck up her ass.

The Colorado woman says she was texting and driving when she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her thigh and buttocks.

Elizabeth firefighters had to saw off the front and back end of the pole to get the woman out.

Christina Jahnz says she was in the parking lot of Elizabeth Middle School to deliver her daughter's saxophone, which had been left at home. As she was driving away from the school, Jahnz started texting her friend.

"I was running late for a business meeting, so I did a voice text. I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from the air bags deployed," Jahnz said.

Then, Jahnz realized that the guardrail pole went through the front of her truck, through her buttocks and into the back of her seat. Elizabeth firefighters rushed to the scene, where she says they used a saw to cut the front and back end of the pole before rushing her to the hospital.

"I went into surgery and I lost count of the stitches after 40. They stitched me up inside too. I'm truly a miracle. They said if it gone just a little bit the other way I would have bled out," Jahnz said.

Jahnz was released after a four-day stay in the hospital. She will be able to get around with the help of a walker and is expected to make a full recovery.

Jahnz says even though she was going 20 mph and looked down for only a split second, she has learned a lesson she will never forget.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com

Who brings a machete to McDonald's?

A Florida man is in critical condition after he was attacked by another man with a machete. Pinellas Park Police responded to the McDonald's around 11 p.m. after they were called about a fight. They say two men who knew each other got into an altercation and a man, later identified as Devin Quarterman, hit the other with a machete. The victim was taken to a local hospital where he is listed in critical condition. Quarterman ran away from the McDonald's but police were able to arrest him the following day. Quarterman is charged with attempted first-degree murder, according to Pinellas Park Police.


Is This The Best Phone Mount Ever? It Really Might Be!

Another Chinese Import

U.S. Customs and Border Protection intercepted a package of tiny dead birds from a passenger's bag at Dulles International Airport. The traveler arrived to D.C. on a flight from Beijing, China. During a baggage examination, agriculture specialists discovered a package containing several small birds. The carrier said the birds were cat food. The species of the birds is unknown, but they are banned in the U.S. from China because of their potential to carry bird flu. The package was destroyed on behalf of the U.S. Department of Agriculture by border protection agriculture specialists. During a typical day last year, CBP agriculture specialists across the nation seized 4,695 prohibited plant, meat, animal byproduct and soil, and intercepted 314 insect pests at U.S. ports of entry, according to a Customs and Border Patrol press release.

READER COMMENTS

There is no way that guy burned a million dollars in cash. Even somebody stupid enough to get married and then get divorced isn't stupid enough to destroy a million bucks. I'm sure he withdrew all the money, but I'd bet a million of my own dollars (if I had it) that the cash is sitting in a safe deposit box somewhere under a different name.


Cop or no cop, you get discovered passed out in a vehicle while at work you should get sacked. And he was in uniform and armed and everything? That's what I call a good union. No wonder why so many people hate cops.

END OF READER COMMENTS