January 18, 2020
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
A Michigan man who noticed something amiss about the couch he bought from a thrift store found more than $40,000 stashed inside a cushion.
Howard Kirby said he bought the couch from the Habitat for Humanity ReStore and used it in his man cave for a few weeks before deciding to investigate why the foot cushion was unusually firm.
Kirby's daughter-in-law opened up the cushion and discovered bundles of cash totaling $43,170.
Kirby said a lawyer told him he would be within his rights to keep the cash, but he decided to contact the store to see if they could identify the couch's original owner.
The money was presented to Kim Fauth-Newberry, whose recently deceased grandfather was the original owner of the furniture. She said her family had no idea he had such a large amount of cash stashed away.
Fauth-Newberry said the story almost had a very different ending -- her family had considered burning the couch if they couldn't find a thrift store to accept it.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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The old 'I'm really an 8-year-old girl' Defense
A 45-year-old man caught with child pornography had a novel defense in court; he claimed he identified as an 8-year-old girl. Facing up to 20 years in prison, Joseph Gobrick told a judge in Michigan that he had a First Amendment right to view child porn on his computer and that he was in fact an 8-year-old girl, so it didn't matter anyway. "I've always been an 8-year-old girl, and even in my drawings and fantasies I'm always an 8-year-old girl," said Gobrick. After his claim that he was in fact a child and therefore immune from prosecution didn't impress the judge, Gobrick resorted to implying that his oppressors were behaving like Nazis. "Under the law, Auschwitz was legal," he said, arguing, "What you're doing here is wrong, just as Auschwitz was."
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BASE jumper rescued by woman on hotel balcony
A BASE jumper who crashed into a beach hotel during a jump gone wrong was rescued by a woman who helped him climb onto her balcony. Kody Kosloski of Michigan said he was participating in a sanctioned BASE jumping event at an Acapulco beach when a gust of wind sent him crashing into the building seconds after jumping off the roof. Kosloski's video camera was recording as he clung to the strap of his parachute, which was caught higher up on the building, and an older woman came out onto a nearby balcony. The woman took Kosloski's hand and helped him onto the balcony, where he shouted to the roof that he was uninjured. Kosloski said his rescuer then offered him a glass of water.
READER COMMENTS
I don't know if swords would be a better choice for dueling than pistols. With swords your opponent might be satisfied with first blood, but I think getting shot probably has a higher risk of being fatal. On the other hand most people can't hit the side of a barn from the inside with a handgun. It's hard to miss with a sword.
Lewis, I'd love to have a chance to get at a few lawyers with a sword. Please follow up on the story and let us know if the judge approved the motion!
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