September 22, 2019
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I've been on a bit of a rice kick lately. The last year or two I have been feeling increasingly lethargic, I have the digestion of a 90-year-old woman, and I recently found out that my cholesterol is about ten points north of 'start casket shopping' territory.
It doesn't take Dr. House, M.D. to figure out that all of these conditions are tied to the fact that I'm about 40 lbs. over weight, so I have been desperately trying to lose some pounds.
I was told by somebody I actually trust that gluten is a big contributor not only to weight gain, but also to elevated cholesterol. Now, on one hand I can't stand those annoying, gluten-free fanatics who throw a fit if there is so much as a roll on the table, but on the other I figure it would be an easy thing to cut back on.
That's where the rice comes in. I was surprised to read that rice is gluten-free. I love rice, but I rarely make it for myself because it is a pain in the ass. Now I can make rice in minutes without even thinking about it with the
4 Piece Microwave Rice Cooker.
It is as easy as adding the rice and water to the cooker, setting the timer on the microwave and walking away. Even a functional retard like me can do it without screwing it up.
And I am loving all the things I can make with rice. So far white rice with broiled salmon is my favorite, but you can make brown rice, quinoa or couscous in it. You can even use it to make oatmeal (although oatmeal has gluten).
If you love rice and everything you can make with it, but hate standing over a pot of boiling water for 20 minutes, this is the best 8 bucks you're going to spend.
Click here to watch a quick video or order yours.
Healthily,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.com
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If you wife or girlfriend ever asks, 'If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?'
Never give two names.
In the bar the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bathtub. The answer, of course, being...throw in your wash.
We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits."
I said, "I Sorry, buddy. Did he drown?"
"No," he replied, "He choked on a sock."
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I went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
Jack goes to his friend Joe and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"
Joe doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.
After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Joe what he's really up to.
Joe, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Joe's shoulder and says, "If I were you I'd hurry home right now. Because my wife died a year ago."
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