September 13, 2019

Good morning crew,

Today's an odd day. It's Friday the Thirteenth, which is bad luck, but it's also payday, which is good luck. So I have no cash, but I'm afraid to go to the bank.

Maybe I'll just go home and hide until tomorrow morning. I don't really need any cash until tomorrow anyway. It's going to be just a beautiful weekend and one of my favorite breweries in the area is having their annual Oktoberfest on Saturday.

If I missed that, THAT would be bad luck.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2016, the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That's because kids in 2016 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the International Space Station. I guess it makes sense I mean, it's not like those guys have to watch their weight. "Nope, still zero pounds.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien

***
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

"This is my mother."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A Sunday School teacher wanted to use squirrels as an example of a diligent work ethic and being prepared. She started the lesson by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children were excited to show her what they knew and leaned forward eagerly.

"I'm thinking of something that lives in trees and eats nuts." No hands went up. "It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail." The children looked around the room at each other, but still no one raised a hand.

"It chatters and sometimes it flips its tail when it's excited?"

Finally one little boy shyly raised his hand. The teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Okay, Michael. What do you think it is?"

"Well," said the boy, "I know the answer's supposed to be Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."