July 21, 2019
Greetings Laff Lovers,
We were going to have a company picnic this weekend, but the forecast for Saturday was for 98 degrees and 70 percent humidity. That's means a heat index of about 110. That's ball-melting weather. The proteins in your balls will actually denature and your balls will melt. Nobody wants that. So we cancelled it.
I certainly didn't mind because I'm always the one who gets tapped to cook at these little affairs. Last year the company bought a monstrous, 8 burner, commercial grade, stainless steel grill fueled by two 20-pound propane tanks just for company picnics, and let me tell you that thing puts off some heat. I was not looking forward to standing over that furnace for 2 hours while the sun was broiling my back.
So instead I sat at home and cooked 50/50 bison and Angus beef burgers on my own gas grill, with a tall glass of iced tea at my elbow and 20 feet from my air conditioned living room. THAT'S the way to spend a Saturday.
Today I might spend the afternoon seeing what that CBD oil does to my johnson. I wrote about it in Thursday's issue as a joke, but to be perfectly honest I'm kind of curious. I've read all sorts of miraculous benefits that hemp oil is supposed to have, so who knows? Maybe it'll give me the dick of a 25-year-old again. Or at least maybe it'll numb it up a little so I can last longer than 90 seconds with my wife.
If you didn't read about the CBD oil in the last issue you can get all the details by clicking here.
Experimentally,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.com
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At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'I'm Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Stanley ."
The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Stanley."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Stanley had two ass-holes." "What! He had two ass-holes?" asked the mortician. "Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, There's Stanley with them two ass-holes."
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Q. How can you tell when a woman is really hot for you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well. When I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
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