July 17, 2019

Good morning crew,

It's hot here in the Chicagoland area and it's going to get hotter. It's pushing 90 degrees today, but by the weekend it is going to be close to 100. To give you an idea, the average temperature for the Chicago area this time of year is in the mid 80s.

So I need to pick up some emergency supplies of beer and ice. I may be forced to spend much of this weekend sitting in the dog's kiddie pool and smoking cigars.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"According to a new study, 1 in 3 children in the United States have divorced parents. While the other two-thirds are the only reason their parents are staying together." Seth Meyers

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"Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in the coffee business you've got to consistently provide your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it's fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their taxes." -Jimmy Fallon

Our armored car arrived earlier than usual, so my deposit wasn't quite ready. As the young man waited patiently for me to secure the bag, I said, "Sorry to hold you up."

"Delay, delay," he corrected me. "We don't use that other phrase."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

When I was younger I worked in a Mom and Pop convenience store. A woman came into the store and walked straight up to me without even shopping and asked if I had baby nipples.

I told her, "no ma'am, mine are fully grown."

Luckily she got a kick out of it and I sold her the nipples for her baby bottles.