July 10, 2019
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
You can blame it on Sir Mix-a-Lot if you want to, but plastic surgery is an obsession with many women who want bigger, better, lips, breasts and, in the case of this unfortunate victim, butts.
Apryl Brown says an acquaintance was offering silicone butt injections at her house, at a cheaper price than a doctor's office. However, the real cost would come later.
"I was in pain, my butt was hard, and I was itching," Brown said.
It turned out to be a life-threatening staph infection. When doctors removed the silicone, they found it was bathroom caulk, the same stuff you can buy at Home Depot.
And it wouldn't be the first time a woman regretted taking caulk in her butt.
Brown needed 27 surgeries, and she lost her hands and feet to the infection. At one point, she thought she was going to die.
Apryl Brown has learned to walk and write using prosthetics. She says her goal is to educate others so they don't make the same mistake as she did.
"All I would ask them to do is, when they have that first thought, make sure they have a second thought about it and do a little research," Brown said. "They won't be blind-sided, and they won't be saying 'oh my God I had no idea that a simple procedure like that can leave me with no hands, no feet and no butt cheeks.'"
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We Always Knew Chicago Was Full of Rats
U.S. Customs and Border Protection said it confiscated 32 pounds of rat meat from a passenger arriving at Chicago O'Hare International Airport from the Ivory Coast. Steve Bansbach, a spokesman for Chicago's CPB office, said the passenger told officials he was carrying the prohibited food. "He declared it," Bansbach reported. "He claimed he had meat during inspection. We found that, yes, he had African rat meat -- 32 pounds of it." The meat was confiscated and destroyed. Bansbach said the main concern with imported meats is that it may introduce African swine fever into the United States. The passenger was not fined.
Is Your Wife Always on Your Back?
Vytatutas Kirkliauskas, with his wife Neringa, traversed a muddy course and won the annual wife-carrying championships in Finland on Saturday. It was the second consecutive victory for the Lithuanian couple in the international event, held for the 31st time in Sonkajarvi, Finland. They ran an 830-foot obstacle course, walking in mud and crossing waist-high water and wooden barriers in one minute and 6.72 seconds. First prize is the wife's weight in beer. Contestants from a dozen countries took part in the event, inspired by a Finnish folk legend involving the kidnapping of women by pillagers. National competitions occur in the United States, Australia, Poland and England, with China organizing an event in 2020. In 2018, a Maine couple, Jesse Wall and Christine Arsenault, won 12 cases of beer at the North American Wife Carrying Championship in Newry, Maine.
I don't care what planet you're from, when you come to my planet you obey our laws. So no attacking cop cars (or any cars). This means you, Zoltronians. -Kevin
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