July 08, 2019

Good morning crew,

We sure got lucky with the weather for Independence Day. It was hot and a little muggy, but we managed to avoid most of the rain. The forecast was for a 60 percent chance of thunderstorms by early evening, but my area managed to squeeze into the 40 percent. The most we got was a refreshing drizzle that lasted about 20 minutes.

As for the rest of the party; it was a long parade of delicious comestibles. I only have one, little charcoal grill to feed nearly 30 people, so I had to cook in rounds. I started out with a couple dozen of my favorite grilled chicken wings, which I don't mind saying disappeared before I could even sample one. The next round was a medley of hot Italian sausages, bratwursts and hot dogs. Those went pretty fast, too. Finally I had 2 dozen burgers to go on the grill. By that time people were starting to slow down, but we still managed to go through about 18 of them.

In addition the wife made about 3 pounds of a very tasty cold pasta salad (which we're still eating) and other people brought various things like grilled vegetables, chips, dips and salads. Nobody went hungry (with the possible exception of me).

The one thing everybody remembered to bring was beer. I bought 2 cases just to get the party started, and the next afternoon when I emptied the coolers I counted 3 cases of beer. I told the wife we have to have another party this coming weekend to drink it all.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A company in New York City has opened what some are calling a nonalcoholic cocktail bar that creates drinks using lemons and herbal ingredients instead of alcohol. And this is cool - they're using empty chairs instead of customers." -Seth Meyers

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"On Monday in Vermont, a barrel of maple syrup fell off a truck and spilled all over the highway. Luckily, it broad-sided a French toast truck." -Conan O'Brien

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"The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most - waiting in airports and exercise." -Jimmy Fallon

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.

She's still laughing.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Physics 101

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: 1 Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League