July 06, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

So how much cash do you think you could cram up your butt? $50? Maybe a hundred? What if you were really motivated; Like it was your entire cache and it was about to be confiscated by the police?

Let's ask Tyrone Booker.

Booker, 30, was arrested during a drug sting in Jacksonville, Florida. According to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, Booker was placed in the backseat of a cruiser. An officer observed about $300 in the suspect's wallet. The officer then walked away.

When the officer returned, the money was missing. Booker said an undercover officer took the money. Officers searched the vehicle but the money wasn't found.

Once at the jail, the arresting officer then looked at the footage from the camera in the cruiser. The video showed Booker spitting on his hands to lubricate his fingers and repeatedly putting his hands in the back of his pants.

Officers then performed a strip search and found nothing.

The suspect finally revealed his hiding spot when he found out the next step was a trip to the Emergency Room. The money was rolled up and wrapped in a rubber band inside his rectum.

Due to the money being covered in what the Sheriff's Office euphemistically called a biohazard, it was not counted and the funds could not be verified.

Booker is facing charges of resisting officer, introducing or smuggling contraband into a detention facility, tampering with evidence and selling marijuana.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com

Part of The Fun of Living in Alaska

A 180-pound bear crashed through an Alaska couple's skylight and ate the cupcakes they had out for their child's birthday party. The homeowners quickly vacated the room and allowed the bear to devour the tasty treats. "I was literally in the room, and I heard this cracking," homeowner Glenn Merrill told local news. "And the next thing you know, there's this bear that, I mean, literally, fell right from (the skylight). It was like one meter away from me." Merrill's house is on a mountainside that overlooks downtown Juneau. "There probably isn't a neighborhood or place where we have homes where the potential isn't there for you to run into a bear or observe a bear," Ryan Scott of the Alaska Department of Fish and Game said. "There is really no place where the potential isn't there." The bear eventually left the residence after being yelled at, but it lingered in the backyard and continued to look in the window. "He wanted back in, that's for sure," Merrill said. The same bear allegedly entered another home in the area, so authorities thought it was best to have the animal destroyed because it was a threat to humans. "We don't take killing or destroying bears lightly," Scott said. "People were inside that building. I think it was appropriate for that given the situation."

Illegal Alien Attacks Police Cruiser

A Michigan man who was claiming to be a resident of "Planet Zoltron" is facing a number of charges after he allegedly attacked a Muskegon County Sheriff deputy's cruiser with a four-foot metal pipe. Officers were investigating reports about a man breaking into homes when they came across Calquan Dion Burr. On the dash camera video, Burr can be seen charging the cruiser, jumping on the hood of the car and attacking the windshield. "The officers rounds the corner and the guy is already running at the car. He almost had zero time to respond and there was no time to avoid him," Lt. Shane Brown of the Muskegon County Sheriff's Department told local news. While the 20-year-old was being arrested, he told police that he could have "tackled that car and could have crushed it if he wanted to," according to the Muskegon Chronicle. "He also claimed he was from the Planet Zoltron and that his father sent him." Burr appeared to be on "mind-altering drugs" and a witness said that he seemed "drunk or high and was talking about seeing blue orbits." The suspect was charged with malicious destruction of property, damaging police property, assault and other charges.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*

Hey Lewis... aren't all wedding rings cursed?


I'm just trying to get my mind around how someone balances a lawnmower on their chin. Running or not, those things are heavy. I can't even picture how this guy did it. -Chris

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*