July 01, 2019

Good morning crew,

After the family circus we had last month I was hoping for a nice, small, intimate gathering at my house for Independence Day, but since the wife put the word out the guest list has grown substantially past my original estimate of 2. I guess that means I'll actually have to put some work in. Unfortunately for me I woke up with a cold yesterday morning.

I hate summer colds. And now I have three days to knock the house and yard into shape and shop for a summer bash when I should be resting and recovering. That would be a challenge if I were feeling 100 percent. Ah well, if I leave a couple little details over looked I can't be blamed. There may not be red, white and blue napkins and matching table cloths, but if I focus on the three basics of a summer cookout: fire, burgers and beer, I don't think anyone will leave disappointed.

As long as I don't drop dead from an acutely impacted sinus before then.

By the way, if you missed out on the Silicone Wine Glass deal in the last issue you should check them out.

4 unbreakable, stemless wine glasses made out of flexible silicone for ten bucks! They're a great summertime drinking accessory. Click here for all the details or to order yours.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A woman in South Carolina just gave birth to a 14.4-pound baby boy. The doctor said, 'Congratulations! It's a man!'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"I think all these storms are God's way of sending us a message. I think that message is that when warm humid air masses surge northward from the Gulf of Mexico and combine with a strong jet stream, it can result in severe weather conditions." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"According to new research, a press-on patch for the flu vaccine works just as well as the flu shot. You just remove the adhesive backing and place it firmly over your co-worker's mouth." -Seth Meyers

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and after a big fight they were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Important; wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 8:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

It was time for finals and a student was struggling with one particular question on his chemistry test.

The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?"

This was a quick answer for most, but it took this student some thinking time.

Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.