June 30, 2019

Greetings Laff Lovers,

My yard is starting to look like crap. I guess I just don't have that green thumb. I've tried replanting a few shrubs and doing some trimming, but it always ends up looking like Michael J. Fox did it.

So last weekend I was over at my brother's place and as we were relaxing on the back patio I was admiring his one acre backyard. The entire patio is skirted by a lush, well-trimmed hedge, and at the end of a thick, immaculate carpet of lawn there is a small thicket of decorative trees, intermixed with a few fruit trees, each with a perfect circle of mulch around the base, all carefully arranged to give the impression of ordered randomness.

I asked him how he manages to keep everything looking so perfect.

"Easy," he answered. "I have a Mexican guy who comes over every Saturday with a truck full of tools and pretty much takes care of anything I need. Last week he helped me plant that new pear tree over there."

"That must cost a fortune!" I said.

"Not really. He charges me twelve bucks an hour."

"Twelve bucks?!"

"Mmmm hmmm. Cash."

"Uuuh...can I borrow your Mexican?"

Equal Opportunistically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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An older lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist."

"I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."



A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands. The bartender asks: "What's the matter buddy?"

The man says, "The worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend."

"Man that really sucks!" says the bartender. "What did you do?"

"I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!"

"And what about your best friend?"

"I rapped him on the nose with a newspaper and said, 'BAD DOG!'"



There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


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There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma.

She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees. When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door.

Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately. The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened.

"I'm not sure," said the husband, "but I think she choked!"