June 12, 2019
Good morning crew,
It looks like last weekend's backyard party was a new record. A cursory headcount came to around 34 or 35 adults, not to mention 6 or 8 little kids. It was a madhouse. I had three tables plus lawn chairs and a few of those folding camp chairs, and people still had to sit on the lawn.
My brother Nino brought over his gas grill and even combined with my charcoal grill we cooked for over two hours.
Fortunately, my other brother Michael brought over a cooler loaded with about 30 pounds worth of hamburgers, sausages, hot dogs, steaks and sundries, because I would have had to dip into my 401k to provide food for that crowd.
And it was an all-day affair, too. People started showing up a little after noon and the last guest didn't leave until almost 10. I don't think I have to tell you what the place looked like after that.
The next day I commented to the wife, "It took a good ten hours of work to get ready, and it's going to take about ten hours of cleaning up afterward, all for a ten hour party. That's two hours of work for every hour of partying."
The wife shrugged her shoulders, "If you want to play out gotta pay."
Laugh it up,
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"A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters." -Seth Meyers
I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.
Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?"
"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $5,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.
The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"