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June 12, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Closeout EventI was going to tell you the story of the 3-year-old boy from Israel who is convinced he was murdered with an axe in his previous life, and was even able to direct authorities to an anonymous grave containing a skeleton AND to where an axe was randomly buried.

But then I found the story of a Tennessee man who was arrested after he walked into a bar and tried to have sex with an ATM machine.

49-year-old Lonnie Hutton was apprehended at The Boro Bar and Grill in Murfreesboro. According to police, an officer was dispatched to the bar, where a witness said that Hutton walked to the ATM and "pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM."

After his encounter with the ATM, Hutton began to walk around the bar nude, thrusting his hips in the air.

Hutton was subsequently escorted from the bar and told to sit at a wooden picnic table. But once outside the bar, Hutton allegedly "again exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table."

To the surprise of no one police reported that Hutton smelled of booze, had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech.


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Deny, Deny, Deny

A Florida Man who had cocaine on his nose when the vehicle he was traveling in was stopped by police told arresting officers that the drug was not his. Fabricio Jimenez, 20, was a passenger in a car that was pulled over during a Sunday morning stop in Tampa. When a Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office deputy approached the auto, the female cop "immediately noticed Jimenez had a white powdery substance on his nose she recognized to be powder cocaine," according to investigators. Jimenez's nose was subsequently swabbed by police and a field test returned a positive result for the presence of cocaine in the sample. A search of Jimenez yielded a small bag of cocaine, while police also seized a backpack containing 250 grams of marijuana and 13 Xanax pills. Jimenez, arrested on three felony narcotics possession charges, "attempted to tell the deputies the cocaine on his nose was not his," according to the sheriff's office. It does not appear Jimenez offered an explanation as to how someone else's cocaine got into his nose.

The 'Mount Everest' of Garbage

India has a lot of people, and they produce a lot of garbage, and a lot of it ends up at the Ghazipur landfill outside of New Delhi. Or as the locals call it; 'Mount Everest'. Ghazipur first opened in 1984, but by 2002 the landfill had reached capacity and should have been closed, but with nowhere else to put the garbage it just kept growing. Now the pile of barbage is more than 213 feet. Taller than the Taj Mahal or London Bridge. Not only is the huge expanse of trash an eyesore, it is also a hazard. Last year two locals were killed in a landslide after a section of the mountain collapsed. Now it is so tall India's Supreme Court has warned that it's well overdue for some aircraft warning lights. India is one of the world's largest garbage producers. Unless something is done soon, the Ghazipur landfill and others like it may soon grow too large to clean up.

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I'm heard of some unusual playthings during intimacy, but a loaded handgun? What were they thinking? -Chris

A client suing a stripper? I guess you can teach the oldest profession new tricks. -Kevin