Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
 
Subscribe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


June 10, 2019

Good morning crew,

99 cent showLast night when I went to take my laundry out of the washing machine I saw that there were still suds on my clothes. I had clearly put too much soap in the machine and had to run the rinse cycle a second time.

Stomping up the stairs I yelled at the wife, "Why did you stop buying the detergent with the little measuring cup?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"The laundry detergent I used to buy came with a little measuring cup so I knew exactly how much soap to put in each load. The stuff you've been buying lately doesn't have the little cup!"

"Sure it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Fine," she sighed, "I'll show you."

I followed her back downstairs to the laundry room where she dragged the mammoth 1.2 gallon jug down off the shelf and pointed out some sort of pressure valve assembly housed in a clear plastic dome.

Unscrewing the dome she presentd it to me like she would to a cocker spaniel.

"What's this then?" I asked, pointing out a simple screw top on the other end of the jug. "This is what I've been using."

"I don't know, but this is the spout. First you lay the jug down on it's side like this," she said as she demonstrated, "then you rotate this nozzel 90 degrees so it's pointing down. Then, you press this button to pour the detergent into the cup. It works kind of like a water jug."

"Then why in the hell does it have two spouts?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe this other one is to release the pressure when you pour."

"So I have to go through," I paused to count on my fingers, "FIVE steps in order to measure out a cup of laundry detergent?"

"What's so hard about that?"

"Sweetheart," I told her, "laundry is not supposed to be that complicated."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives





"There's a new report that says more than half of American workers didn't use all their vacation days last year. They had them, they just didn't take them. So the people who did the study asked why. Some said they did it to impress their boss with their work ethic. The rest said, I hate my family." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last three Nicolas Cage movies." -Conan O'Brien

***

"According to a new study, the recommendation that people need eight glasses of water per day is a myth. I think we figured that out when we never once drank eight glasses of water and still survived." -Seth Meyers


Rid your lawn or garden of pesky rodents once and for all with our BEST-SELLING Solar Powered Gopher Chaser


At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"

"Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!

Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.

When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 250 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!