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June 01, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

SpringSaleYou would think this story happened right here in the good, 'ol United States of Bureaucracy, but this bit of governmental stupidity happened north of the border.

It seems Mike Defazio of Saint John in New Brunswick, Canada recently blew a tire driving over one of several large potholes in his neighborhood. Sick and tired of his local government's failure to repair the street he took matters into his own hands and spent half a day filling in the potholes using his tractor.

Of course, if you know anything about government you know that infrastructure, law, order, justice, education and everything else can just go to hell, but heaven help the individual who bucks the bureaucracy and tries to solve a problem by himself.

Three days later Defazio got a call from the city's deputy commissioner of transportation informing him he had broken the city's bylaws and could face a fine.

Apparently they were afraid that a rock could be kicked up and chip a windshield or scratch paint.

Defazio says he was told city crews would be out to remove his work and he would have to cover the costs. That's right, the city was going to dig up pot holes in the street and charge him for the labor to do it.


So he was forced to hire a crew and return the street to its original pot-holed state himself.

The lesson here is; never do anything.


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'Serial Pooper' Making a Mess

Houston police are trying to wipe out a recurring crime wave by flushing out the identity of a man who has been caught on surveillance cameras going No. 2 on lawns and driveways in the city's Woodland Heights neighborhood. The disgruntled dumper has been leaving messes all over the neighborhood, and has pooped at one house at least six times. "It's definitely not a nice thing to do to people," said Patrick Reese, who lives nearby. "Going to the bathroom in their driveway is not nice. That's definitely not something that's supposed to go on in polite society." It is believed that the "serial pooper" usually strikes late at night or early in the morning under the cover of darkness. The man usually cleans himself up with a paper towel and then leaves the soiled sheet on the sidewalk. "This is our neighborhood," area resident Aimee Parsons said. "Whatever people think should go on around here -- pooping is not okay. We don't want dogs pooping in our yards why would we want a human?" Deputies say the man will be charged with indecent exposure or criminal mischief charge when he is caught.

Freedom Gas

In a press release two Department of Energy officials used the terms "freedom gas" and "molecules of US freedom" to replace your average, everyday term "natural gas." The press release was fairly standard, announcing the expansion of a Liquified Natural Gas (LNG) terminal at the Freeport facility on Quintana Island, Texas. It would have gone unnoticed had an E&E News reporter not noted the unique metonymy "molecules of US freedom." DOE Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy Steven Winberg is quoted as saying, "With the US in another year of record-setting natural gas production, I am pleased that the Department of Energy is doing what it can to promote an efficient regulatory system that allows for molecules of US freedom to be exported to the world." The term "freedom gas" seems to have originated from an event with DOE Secretary Rick Perry. Earlier this year, the secretary signed an order to double the amount of LNG exports to Europe, saying, "The United States is again delivering a form of freedom to the European continent. And rather than in the form of young American soldiers, it's in the form of liquefied natural gas."

[Funny, I experience quite a bit of my own 'freedom gas' last night after a beef and bean burrito.]

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he needs to be able to maintain the speed for 328 feet in two directions to qualify? Is one of those directions vertical?
[I think that means he needs to be able to turn. I guess doing 60 mph in a straight line on a skateboard is a little too easy.]

If Canada is suffering a leech shortage, why don't we send Congress up to help them? -Z
[Not even Canadians deserve that kind of cruelty.]

Warner Brothers may have a copyright suit if Wiley Coyote is abandoning the roadrunner and starting his own program. Or is this an offshoot of Acme Supply.