May 31, 2019

Good morning crew,

It hasn't been a very agreeable spring, but I thought we were finally going to have a weekend of good grilling weather. It was four weekends ago that I had my smokeout, and I haven't touched the grill since.

If you missed those stories you can read them by visiting: There's a first time for everything and Playing with fire and drinking beer.

But it looks like thunderstorms again this weekend. So no grilling. The only thing that seems to be enjoying the weather is the lawn. I swear that grass is growing about an inch an hour. The wife and I have to tag-team the mowing just to keep up with it.

Next weekend I won't have any choice. I have to have a party. There will be some family coming in from out of town and somehow I got talked into hosting a cookout. It will only be a small segment of the family, probably no more than 30 people, so four or five cases of beer, a case of wine, two bottles of whiskey and about 30 pounds of food should cover it. If I start shopping this weekend I should be ready by next Saturday.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means somewhere a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch 'Real Housewives.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it attractive when a woman offers to split the bill on a date. And zero percent of women find it attractive when that offer is accepted." -Seth Meyers

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"Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name 'Kylie.' Yeah, the judge called the case 'not why I went to law school.'" -Jimmy Fallon

As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my husband and I both felt energized. "Let's make a commitment to do it three times a week," I said.

"Absolutely," my husband agreed, "three times at a minimum."

"And no whining," I said. "No excuses."

"No, we'll do it," he said enthusiastically, "you can count on it."

"And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym."

"The gym?" my husband said, confused. "I thought we were talking about sex?"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.

"It's the tax auditor in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live."

"He had to be told." said the second doctor.

"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"