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May 24, 2019

Good morning crew,

WH OverstockThe wife started a pet-sitting job yesterday so she will be out of the house the rest of the week. That means last night I got to do something I normally don't get to do; I ate a gyro sandwich (with extra onions and tzatziki sauce) and an entire bag on onion rings.

I was slightly nauseous all night. I'm not really sure why I do those kinds of things to myself.

But this weekend is Memorial Day which is the official beginning of barbecue season. Now that's my kind of cuisine.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He's Jewish." -Conan O'Brien

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"Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents." -Seth Meyers





Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again."

But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?"

"Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap."


Turn your standard outlet into SIX plugs and TWO USB ports It'll even charge an iPad!

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."

A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."

"Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience store."