May 24, 2019
Good morning crew,
The wife started a pet-sitting job yesterday so she will be out of the house the rest of the week. That means last night I got to do something I normally don't get to do; I ate a gyro sandwich (with extra onions and tzatziki sauce) and an entire bag on onion rings.
I was slightly nauseous all night. I'm not really sure why I do those kinds of things to myself.
But this weekend is Memorial Day which is the official beginning of barbecue season. Now that's my kind of cuisine.
Laugh it up,
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"A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He's Jewish." -Conan O'Brien
"Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to." -Jimmy Fallon
"A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents." -Seth Meyers
Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again."
But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?"
"Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap."
Turn your standard outlet into SIX plugs and TWO USB ports
It'll even charge an iPad!
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."
"Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience store."