Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
 
Subscribe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


May 17, 2019

Good morning crew,

New GadgetsThis weekend the wife and I are meeting ol' Mason and his wife at the Chicago Hofbrauhaus. That's always a worthwhile adventure. But I feel guilty every time I go there. And it's not because of the 2 or 3 quarts of delicious Dunkel bier I usually drink. It's because I always chicken out.

You see, I only get to go to the Hofbrauhaus 2, maybe 3 times a year if I'm lucky. And because of that I'm afraid to experiment, so I always get the kartoffelpuffer mit raucherlachs (smoked salmon on crispy potato pancakes) followed by the Schnitzel Wiener Art with Bavarian potato salad. I know it, I love it, and I haven't been disappointed with it yet.

But there are so many other delicious sounding things on the menu. Like; the smoked pork loin with dark beer sauce, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes, or the wiesenhendl which is a roast chicken stuffed with beer butter, parsley and onions, or the secret 'tower of sausages' which is a three tiered platter loaded with an assortment of Rostbratwurst, Knackwurst, Bockwurst (or Frankfurters), Weisswurst (or white sausages) and currywurst. It's not even on the menu, you have to order it special.

But when I know it is probably going to be six months before I get back there again, I can't pass up on the half inch thick cutlet, breaded and fried a crisp, golden brown, served with a human brain-sized scoop of creamy German potato salad. There is just no place on the south side (where I live) that makes one as good.

So we'll see. Maybe I'll get the schnitzel and talk the wife into ordering the tower of sausages. She only likes the Bockwurst which means I'll get to bring the rest of them home for myself!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


Turn Your Backyard into a Tropical Paradise! Get the Solar-Powered Torches Before They're Gone


"In Florida, a 10-year-old girl pried herself from the jaws of an 8-foot alligator. Then the little girl remembered she lives in Florida, and climbed back in." -Conan O'Brien

***

"Hey, I saw that today is National Teacher Day! Unless you're home-schooled. Then it's Mother's Day: Part 2." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world's first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means." -Seth Meyers


Too Much Pet Hair Or Lint? Our 5-Star Fur Wizard Is Just $7.99 PLUS Get a Free Travel Version!



A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.

The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."



By the way, if you didn't see them in the last issue, don't miss out on these collapsible Underbed Storage Bins. Basically it's a 43" x 18" breathable fabric 'box' that lets you utilize the unused space under your bed without everything getting covered in dust bunnies.

At only five bucks a piece you can't beat the deal.

Get all the details or order yours by clicking here.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Little Johnny's mother overheard him reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch..."

"Johnny!" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use those kinds of words."

"But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."

Next day Johnny's mother called the teacher to complain. "Oh, heavens," said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.'"